


Indian Summer

by SaltyCaramel_mm



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cigarettes, F/F, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28289424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyCaramel_mm/pseuds/SaltyCaramel_mm
Summary: Indian summer noun [C] (WEATHER): a period of calm, warm weather that sometimes happens in the early autumn.They were each other's Indian Summer.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

_I decided to go._

The sky starts to brighten light blue, almost white. And Seulgi, who was lying sideways, buries her right palm underneath the left side of her chest, hoping its steady beat will calm her down after hearing Joohyun say that.

It is clear what they did yesterday, judging from her sleeveless shirt and bare legs. But even so, with all the proof of scattered clothes on the floor and the marks Seulgi can see on her neck from the dressing table mirror, yesterday night all just felt like a dream.

Seulgi sits up without a word, picking up the cigarette pack as she makes her way toward the balcony.

She musters all strength to her right hand holding the lighter, and due to her half-awake state, her hand even trembles a little but she manages to light the cigar.

A flicker of flame soon extinguishes when it touches the tip of the white cigar, burning it black and Seulgi inhales all the smoke, hoping it will fill the emptied part of her when she had heard those words.

She doesn’t turn around when she hears the squeaking sound the door made as it slid open.

Instead, Seulgi fixes her gaze at the tip of the tower, the furthest thing from here and she tries to ignore the airplane flying above the clear sky.

And Joohyun leans on the fence, tilting her head and placing her temple on her forearm propped on the steel handle, her gaze focused on the woman next to her. Even though she just woke up she still looked surreal. Wearing Seulgi’s white shirt which is big enough to reach her thighs. And that is why Seulgi can’t look at her at all.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

There seems to be no decent answer in her head. More like she doesn’t have the will to reply. And Seulgi can’t tell if it’s because her words brought changes to what she feels or because she is just very exhausted.

“..What is there to say.”

She doesn’t have to guess what expression Joohyun is making, she doesn’t even need to look. But eventually, Seulgi meets Joohyun’s eyes, just when she puffs out the white smoke from her mouth. And just as she thought, Joohyun scowls.

“I hate it when you smoke.”

Seulgi knows that. Smoking is just her childish way of expressing that she’s upset without saying.

And she figures that Joohyun knows that well.

She looks away and inhales the smoke again, but it is interrupted when Joohyun snatches the cigar away from her mouth. Seulgi coughs madly, even tears forming in her eyes because of the burning in her lungs.

Normally, Joohyun would put out the cigarette, scolding her how she’ll get lung cancer because of this little white stick.

But instead, she places it between her lips, awkwardly trying to imitate inhaling the smoke as Seulgi did. She ends up coughing too and Seulgi takes it away from her hand and quickly puts it out.

“You dummy,” Seulgi mutters, tracing her thumb beneath her eyes, gently brushing her tears.

Joohyun giggles softly, still coughing a little.

“I wanted to do this in a sexy kind of way that actresses do in movies.” Joohyun mumbles, her arms laced around her waist. “They snatch away the cigarette from the man and right after inhaling the smoke they always kiss the man.”

“And what kind of movie is that?”

“A sexy one,” Joohyun replies playfully. “I thought it might be a good excuse.”

And Seulgi looks down at her without a word. Not being able to kiss her but also step back, even as Joohyun’s arms are now around her neck, an act that is too familiar to Seulgi to ignore.

When Joohyun stands on her tiptoes, Seulgi closes her eyes, maybe a little too tight.

Joohyun hesitates, noticing her strained neck and stiffened figure. Her eyes trail down to the still evidently pink marks on Seulgi’s neck and eventually, she buries her face on Seulgi’s collarbone. Her lips inches away from Seulgi’s collarbone, her nose inhaling the scent of her.

And almost automatically, Joohyun feels Seulgi’s hand slowly running through her hair. It is their old habit. Theirs.

“Hyun.”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s spend this weekend together.”

“......”

“.....And let’s part ways after.”

Silence flows. And Seulgi swallows then squeezes her eyes shut when she feels Joohyun’s breathing slowly go unsteady. 

“..Okay.”

Even with just the word ‘okay’, Seulgi clearly hears how hoarse her voice is, making their shared warmth almost burn like an insult. About a few seconds later, Joohyun’s lips lingering on her collarbone moves to her neck then to her cheek, and then her ear.

Thinking that they have nothing more to lose, Seulgi caresses her cheeks and kisses her, starting off as a few gentle pecks then a deepened kiss as always.

In such a short time, it has gotten a lot brighter than before. And thinking that soon the sun will come up as if nothing had ever happened makes Seulgi’s heart ache for some reason.

As if the night hiding them for them to be together, soon breaks away, 

as if the world knew their love would slip away in the dusky morning.


	2. final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've seen some people enjoy this story very much so I decided to post it on ao3 also :). And I thought this fic is just right for winter so I hope you enjoy reading!

Seulgi first learned about Indian summer during class, when almost everyone was dozing off and she was holding Joohyun’s hand under the desk while the professor droned on.

Indian summer, he explained, is a period of unseasonably warm weather that sometimes occurs in autumn in temperate regions of the northern hemisphere during September to November. And in Europe, they call this 'Old Wives' Summer', 'St. Martin's Summer', and 'Halcyon's Days' and so on. A brief summer before a long winter. A brief warmth before the lifelong cold. For this reason, Indian summer is considered God's gift.

 _"So people often use Indian Summer as a metaphor when they talk about love, meaning the resplendent, warmest moment of their time."_ The professor had explained, smiling at the students who were suddenly interested.

And Seulgi had laughed quietly. Because at that time, it felt like the professor was describing their exact moment. The happiest moment, when it felt like they were meant to meet and be together just by the gentle squeeze of Joohyun’s hand.

So does this mean they’re between the end of Indian summer and the start of winter right now?

At that question, her mind goes blank and Seulgi stares down at her left hand. To be exact, her ring finger, with the silver ring wrapped around her finger like a promise.

A silver lining, Seulgi had said jokingly as they helped each other put the rings on their fingers(with the huge tree behind them as a made-up altar). But it was true. Seulgi sometimes even depended her luck on it. Or couldn’t go anywhere without it which was often the reason why she was late for their date.

When she slowly takes off the ring, she can see the pale traces on her finger. She has been wearing it for almost six years after all.

And as soon as the ring is pulled out, she feels a sudden chill in her left hand. So she quickly puts it back, thinking maybe it’s too soon.

“So this was where you were talking about?”

Joohyun, who just entered the old tent, giggles in amusement. Her giggle fills the humble tent which was one of Joohyun’s favorite places in high school. Only because here, a friendly old woman sold tteokbokki which Joohyun can’t live without.

“You got lost several times, didn’t you?” Seulgi says knowingly and Joohyun smiles sheepishly.

“I didn’t even know the location you sent was here.”

Joohyun is very bad at finding paths. She often ended up wandering around the streets, even though technology advanced enough, Joohyun still had a hard time figuring out if she should go left or right.

“Did you have breakfast?”

Seulgi asks, then naturally her hand runs through Joohyun’s slightly disheveled hair. And just as naturally, Joohyun takes her hand stroking her hair, and holds it with fingers interlocked.

Not giving Seulgi a moment to frown, she turns her attention to the menu. Let’s eat tteokbokki. We haven’t had that for a long time, right? Joohyun chatters on as if they are back to their high school days. And Seulgi gives her hand a wordless squeeze then turns to the nice old lady who made the most delicious spicy rice cake in their standards. _Can we have two servings of tteokbokki?_ And the lady nods with a kind smile.

Seulgi turns her attention back to Joohyun who is smiling at her.

“Did you wait long?”

“No.”

“Is it okay for you to eat tteokbokki for breakfast? You know I am but you,”

“It’s okay.”

Seulgi answers and Joohyun nods shortly twice then grins. They stay like that for a while, not really saying anything but not breaking eye contact. Seulgi leans closer and Joohyun automatically turns her head sideways so that Seulgi can whisper something in her ear.

“Why are you so pretty today?”

Seulgi said as if she was asking her if she slept well today. Even though they’ve been like this for five years Joohyun laughs, lightly slapping Joohyun’s shoulder. And Seulgi’s eyes fold into crescents as the sunlight over the glass window bounces off the table and her head.

“Aren’t you tired? Wendy told me you got home almost at 2 am.”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t let me leave,” Joohyun says, her voice a little calmer than before. “Since it’s going to take a long time to see me again.”

Even though everyone was busy with their own life trying to get a job, with some working part-time, some preparing for the civil service examination, and a lot trying to survive graduate school, they still managed to have a gathering yesterday. And Seulgi, who wanted Joohyun to enjoy her time with her friends and her friends only, declined when she was invited, leaving Wendy in charge.

“Did they cry?”

“Some did,” Joohyun says quietly. “I think I cried too.”

“..Do you think you’re going to miss them a lot?”

“Maybe.”

Because Seulgi has been waiting for her for almost half an hour, the only thing between them was a cup of water. But instead of getting her own cup of water, Joohyun lifts the cup and takes a sip. And Seulgi notices that the ring finger of her hand holding the cup is bare.

“You didn’t wear it today.”

Seulgi weakly smiles, reaching out for her hand and rubbing her finger thoughtfully, wondering if she made a mistake of wearing hers.

Joohyun quickly notices what Seulgi is referring to and grins, digs her right hand in her coat pocket, then pulls out a silver ring with the same gleam as hers.

She slips the ring on her ring finger then smiles at Seulgi as if she is waiting for Seulgi to shower her with compliments.

Briefly thinking to herself how it’s a perfect fit, Seulgi looks down at her own ring.

“Here it is, two servings of tteokbokki.”

“Thank you!” Joohyun cheerfully says, taking the plate, and the old lady smiles.

“It has been a while since you two last visited.”

The two women look at each other, then give each other a knowing smile.

“You should come here more often. I’ll even give you a free sundae next time.”

That makes them look at each other again.

The kind old lady leaves. And both stay still, feeling disoriented. Then Seulgi reaches out for the container on their table, pulling out chopsticks for each of them and Joohyun hastily follows her, placing each napkin on their side.

They stare at the spicy, almost threateningly red rice cake then start using their chopsticks, popping rice cakes, fish cakes and even pieces of cabbage. Seulgi sniffs, feeling the spiciness take over her tongue already and Joohyun naturally pushes the boiled egg to her side, knowing it always helped Seulgi cool down the spiciness. And Seulgi mumbles ‘thanks’ as she receives it just as naturally.

But for some reason, Joohyun, who is a pro at eating spicy foods, also sniffed from time to time.

Since the tteokbokki tent was near their high school, they decided to go visit their teacher when they were in third grade. But when they made it to the teacher’s room after tiptoeing as quietly as they can to not bother the students, their art teacher told them that their homeroom teacher had been transferred to another school. Joohyun especially seemed regretful about it, letting out a sigh as they walked out of the teacher’s room.

“I wanted to see him before I left.”

“I didn’t know he was transferred,” Seulgi says, just as regretfully. “It would have been nice if we could have at least seen him.”

Their voice quietly spreads on the long hallway. And when they reach the end of the hall, with the stairs below them that lead them to the second floor and another that leads them to the fourth floor, Joohyun turns to Seulgi.

“Wanna go to the school art room?” Joohyun slyly asks. “For old time’s sake?”

Seulgi stares up at the stairs that will lead them to the fourth floor, then glances behind to see the long hallway they’ve walked. 

Of course, a lot of things changed with time. But the sunlight coming through the window, reflecting the clouds of dust dancing around the empty hall, it almost felt like this school hadn’t changed at all. 

She then looks at Joohyun, smiles a little, then walks up the stairs. Joohyun quickly tries to catch up from behind, reaching out for her hand which Seulgi holds on tightly.

When they arrived at the art room which is right beside the music room, Seulgi slid open the wooden door. And Seulgi inhales the ever so familiar smell of paints and papers. It has been so long since they’ve last visited, almost three years and it makes them laugh for no reason, recognizing everything in the art room where they first met.

_“I like your drawing.”_

Seulgi had been enjoying her alone-drawing-time during lunch break, listening to boys shouts while playing soccer or baseball and girls chattering and cheering them on.

Meanwhile, Joohyun, who was one of the quietest girls in the class, had been trying to find a good place to read a book. Since she attracted.. unnecessary attention. Being tired of the feeling of being watched, Joohyun had opened the door of the art room, pretty sure that nobody would be there. 

But when she saw Seulgi, who she knew as the girl who can draw almost everything, she had blurted that out almost automatically after taking one glance at what Seulgi was drawing.

They never really talked even though they were in the same class. Seulgi had her own group and so did Joohyun. But Seulgi, who was friendly to everyone, had smiled at her gratefully.

 _“I just have to finish painting it.”_ Seulgi had said, thoughtfully tapping the pencil on the easel. _“What color do you think I should use other than blue?”_

 _“Red.”_ Joohyun had answered without hesitation and when Seulgi had asked why she had grinned and said.

_“Because those two can make purple.”_

After that, they became inseparable. Life was funny that way.

Seulgi stands in the middle of the room, smiling down at the familiar marble floor and Joohyun knows what she is thinking at this moment.

Their first kiss had also happened here.

It was the day when Seulgi had failed to go to one of the colleges of fine arts in Seoul. And that was her last application, her last hope to have a chance to go to school.

Instead, she was stuck in Daegu, trying to be satisfied with the fact that she was going to attend a national university. But of course, after spending almost two and a half years drawing and painting and studying days and nights, hoping someday to be one of the college students smiling on the pamphlet of Seoul national university, Seulgi was very upset.

Upset enough to slam the art room door shut and rip all her drawings and smash her canvases against the marble floor but Seulgi didn’t know which was louder, her sobs or the canvases that got destroyed by her.

And Joohyun had rushed toward her just in time when Seulgi was about to smash her- no, their canvas, red and blue and mostly, purple.

That was the first time Seulgi ever sobbed in front of someone in high school. And the kiss happened when Joohyun was trying to comfort her, saying that it’s all going to be okay and that it’ll eventually work out in the end. Being the intimate one when it comes to physical affections, Joohyun had given her a light peck on the crown of her forehead. And then her nose, and eventually ended up more than a peck when she reached her lips.

Unlike that day, the art room is empty, surrounded by silence. Being two of the few who used the art room often, it became a world of their own.

They even had their first time here.

“It’s almost terrifyingly clean compared to before.”

Seulgi says as she regretfully looks at the white walls which had all kinds of doodles and paints all over at their time.

Joohyun nods, placing her palm on the desk then playfully grins as she carefully sits on the firm desk.

“Want to do it here like we did that day?”

And Seulgi lightly smacks her arm, blushing as she recalls their first time, with Joohyun on the desk and having to stop when the bell rang, coming out with creased shirts and flushed faces.

Then Joohyun reaches out for her hand and pulls Seulgi close in her embrace, wrapping her arms around her. And Seulgi obliges, propping her chin on the crown of her head with her arms laced around her petite waist.

After a while, Seulgi steps back a little, then bumps her nose against hers like children. She pecks Joohyun’s lips a few times and Joohyun smiles, her eyes looking straight into hers.

“You troublemaker.”

That was Seulgi’s nickname for Joohyun in high school. Because Joohyun always tried to convince her to skip class with her just to have spicy rice cake, or even sometimes skip class only because she wants to hold her hand or kiss her so much.

Joohyun’s smile is watery as she playfully bumps her forehead against Seulgi’s. Joohyun then leans in and presses her lips against hers. And Seulgi can feel Joohyun pulling her closer as she tilts her head to deepen the kiss. 

Seulgi doesn’t have to see to know what kind of expression is painted on Joohyun’s face.

She can imagine Joohyun’s ever so honest eyebrows hanging low as if she’s ready to cry.

And Joohyun inhales the certain perfume Seulgi always uses, her eyes brimming with tears when Joohyun smells no acrid cigarette smoke as she buries her face on Seulgi’s shoulder.

We should go on a trip, Seulgi had suggested but Joohyun had objected to the suggestion for this reason, right in front of her.

Joohyun smiles without a word as she pushes the cart toward Seulgi, who is busy trying to get the piece of beef first before the boy next to her, holding her toothpick challengingly.

“You’re not going to eat your lunch here, are you?”

“Of course I’m not.”

Seulgi, who somehow managed to even get a tomato spaghetti in the small cup, denies it when Joohyun asks that question. 

Is it good? Joohyun then asks and Seulgi nods, handing another cup on her other hand to Joohyun which makes her laugh. But Joohyun takes it anyway and indeed, the spaghetti tasted delicious.

Joohyun tries to reach out for the pack of spaghetti but Seulgi stops her, grinning down at her. 

“I want to eat what you want to make for me.”

Then she places her palm over Joohyun’s wrist, walking by her side as Joohyun drags the cart.

“What do you want to eat for lunch?”

“Anything you make.”

Her answer wasn’t a way to flatter Joohyun, Seulgi actually means it. 

They don’t really say it to each other out loud, but they quite enjoyed spending time together at the kitchen. Even though they weren’t the best cooks, even making fun of each other’s food sometimes. Their relationship was just like their food. Not perfect judging from others, but the best in their eyes.

And the only reason why it can’t be perfect in their eyes also is because it has an end.

“I haven’t taken out my winter clothes,” Seulgi mumbles to herself, flipping the fashion magazine while lying on her stomach on the living room floor. 

Joohyun, who is lying on Seulgi’s back while watching the television, turns her head sideways, only hearing the sound of people laughing and clapping at what the man just said.

“You didn’t organize your closet yet?”

“It’s still humid and hot sometimes.”

“You know how the weather's all weird like that. And the next thing you know, it’s winter.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Let’s do it now.”

Joohyun stops herself from adding ‘when I’m here.’. And Seulgi just nods as an answer then puts down the magazine, placing her cheek on the cool surface of the floor.

“Let’s buy you some new clothes in the meantime. I think you can use some more coats and maybe a scarf? Yours seem quite old now.” Joohyun adds and Seulgi lifelessly nods again.

“Does that really mean a yes or a new way of saying no?”

“I don’t want to move an inch from this floor.” Seulgi grumbles and Joohyun sits up with a sly smile.

“If you do, maybe we can also go see that exhibition you wanted to go so much tomorrow?”

Seulgi groans, knowing she can’t say no to that, and Joohyun stands up, lightly patting Seulgi’s backside encouragingly.

But just when Seulgi is about to sit up, Joohyun’s scent wafts over as she overlaps her body on Seulgi’s back. Seulgi lets out a surprised grunt and falls down on the floor.

“What was that for?”

Seulgi asks, quite annoyed but puzzled by the look on Joohyun’s face as she turns her head slightly. Then, still hugging her from behind, Joohyun meets her eyes and grins without a word. Flustered, Seulgi asks if there was something on her face but Joohyun just shakes her head. And so, they just stare at each other, their noses only inches apart.

Then Joohyun kisses her temple and sits up, leaving Seulgi more puzzled than ever.

Next week, Joohyun won’t be Joohyun anymore. At least, her name won’t be Bae Joohyun anymore. Everyone will call her ‘Irene’ somewhere in New York, where Joohyun will start a new life due to her new job. The job she always wanted for who knows how long.

Nobody thought it was possible and neither did she. Joohyun had always tried to find a decent job in Seoul and told Seulgi that her application overseas was just like a lottery she buys for fun sometimes. She didn’t hope too much for it.

Then one day, a day just as ordinary as yesterday, Joohyun received an email. And the blue letters ‘Congratulations’ flashed on the screen when she opened it.

It took her more than half an hour to realize what just happened. She was at home that day. And she had instantly called out her mother, who came to her room wondering what made her daughter so shaken up. Her mother had looked so happy that day. Her younger sister even hugged her and Joohyun swore she saw her father cry. As if she just made a vaccine that will save the whole family.

She had excitedly picked up her phone, automatically finding one particular number but her smile quickly faded. Because she had just realized she was the only one who was leaving, with everyone else left behind. Including Seulgi.

She had made Wendy promise to not tell anything to Seulgi. And Wendy had asked nervously what was going to happen. Joohyun couldn’t answer because she didn’t know.

Joohyun was sure Seulgi wouldn't ever force her to stay. That was probably the last thing she’ll ever do. But did that mean they were still going to be.. them? Joohyun wasn’t sure. Only because she was afraid Seulgi’s answer wouldn't be the same as hers.

Seulgi never gave an answer she wasn’t sure about. She preferred not to answer if that was the case. So Joohyun almost cried when Seulgi finally said that she loved her. 

And she had first seen Seulgi cry when she told her about her new job in another country.

She had, of course, tried to be happy for her. Then she asked how long she was going to stay. And when Joohyun didn’t reply it became a disaster.

 _“What do you expect me to say?”_ Seulgi had asked, all confused. _“Are you saying that we should see each other once a month from now on? Forever? Is that even possible?”_

_“Maybe we can try.”_

_“Maybe?”_ Seulgi had said with a scoff. _“Do you know how unsure you look right now, Joohyun?”_

 _“Then what do you expect me to do?”_ Joohyun had snapped. _“Stay here forever with you?”_

_“You know that’s not what I want.”_

_“Then what is it that you want?”_

_“..I want to be enough as you so that I can come with you.”_ Seulgi had said grimly. _“Or I want to at least have enough guts to say that we can make it together.”_

Because as someone who was working at a small publishing company in Daegu, that seemed to be the last thing she could be. Someone enough.

_“Seulgi-”_

_“You’ll be asleep when I wake up. You’ll wake up when I’m asleep.”_ Seulgi had cut off, feeling all strength drain from her body. _“And we’ll be living a completely different life from now. Everything will be different and we might not even be able to see each other because I just got my job and it’s not enough to even buy a ticket to the U.S. So how-”_ She had quickly lowered her gaze but Joohyun clearly saw the tears forming in her eyes. She stepped closer but Seulgi shook her head, brushing her hand away.

_“How can we be together, hyun? How?”_

And it dawned on them what was left when Joohyun couldn’t answer.

Seulgi just watches Joohyun open her closet and pulls out all the clothes one by one.

“You don’t even wear this anymore, do you?” 

Joohyun says with a small grin, holding a simple white t-shirt with a logo print on it.

“Do you remember why you bought this?”

“Because you were jealous of Rachel Mcadams. And Channing Tatum too.”

Seulgi replies simply and Joohyun laughs. They had seen a movie ‘The Vow’ at that time, and after they saw the movie until the ending credits stopped, Seulgi couldn’t say a word because she thought Rachel Mcadams had the most gorgeous smile, and Channing Tatum had the warmest eyes. She was almost speechless.

But Joohyun, who thought Seulgi wasn’t saying anything because she was disappointed, carefully asked how she thought of the movie. And Seulgi had replied hastily that it was okay, not too bad. But Joohyun immediately recognized the subtle change of atmosphere(and Seulgi’s ears dusted pink). And of course, Joohyun was offended. Seulgi swore she had seen smoke come out of her flaring nostrils as she marched ahead.

 _“You were the one who wanted to see this movie with me!”_ Seulgi had protested but Joohyun’s glare didn’t falter, even letting out an annoyed huff.

_“Which was a mistake. Go date Rachel Mcadams or Channing Tatum or whatever. Maybe even both! A threesome!”_

_“What are you- hey, Joohyun! Hyun!”_

Seulgi had been very stunned by her childish behavior. But she hurried her pace to catch the girl furiously stomping toward the escalator when she bumped into a girl holding a coke. 

Her favorite white shirt had been ruined as the girl dropped her coke in surprise, staining the pale fabric light brown.

“I hate Rachel Mcadams.” Joohyun says with a shrug. “Channing Tatum too.”

Jooyun, who felt guilty, had taken her to the floor that sold women’s clothing in the department store, which was right above the movie theater.

In the end, Joohyun had bought the same design t-shirt. Seulgi remembers how excited Joohyun was that day, with all jealousy magically gone.

And that is why Seulgi never wore it at home. She didn’t want to ruin it or even change it. Because it is something that has a meaning for both of them. She had this unknown obligation that she needs to keep it as it is.

Seulgi glances at the scattered summer clothes on her bedroom floor without a word. Then her eyes stay on one particular dress. Joohyun follows her gaze and sees the familiar black dress.

Seulgi had gone to clubs for about a week after Joohyun told her she was going away. It was her way of saying that she didn’t care, not knowing she was hurting as much as Joohyun was. It wasn’t to meet random people she could spend the night with, it was because the loud booming music hurt her head enough to empty itself. It made her refuse to think about anything and Seulgi would just get herself tipsy enough to dance in the mob of crowds. And when Joohyun came to take her home, she would purposely let the guys put their hands around her waist, even dance with them while she gave Joohyun, who was standing a few feet away alone, a condescending smirk. It was her way of asking a question.

So what are you going to do if there is someone who will touch me the way you do someday?

Joohyun never gave her an answer. Well, Seulgi thought she didn’t.

She realized she was wrong when she woke up one night with a terrible hangover.

Seulgi had dragged herself toward the door to get some water but stopped when she noticed the light seeping beneath the gap between the door and the bedroom floor.

She had carefully opened the door, expecting to see Joohyun sleeping on the couch but instead, she spotted a figure in the kitchen. A bottle of whiskey was on the table, and Joohyun was hanging her head low, holding a glass of scotch whiskey in one hand. With the fluorescent light hanging above.

Seulgi, thinking she must be drunk, had slowly walked toward her but stopped when she heard a choked cry. And then when she was only five feet away from her, Seulgi noticed her shaking shoulders.

She had wanted to believe she heard wrong, thinking maybe it was a hiccup but it wasn’t. She knew deep inside that it wasn’t.

And despite her throbbing headache, Seulgi forgot about her parched throat and put her arms around the sobbing girl.

Joohyun had held onto her so tight, burying her face on her stomach. And Seulgi had sobered up the moment she felt the tears staining her shirt.

Seulgi never stepped a foot in the club after that day. She had even stuffed all the clothes she wore in the closet and never wore them again.

“..I can still smell the stench of alcohol on this dress,” Joohyun says jokingly with a strained smile, fishing out the black dress, a little dusty and untouched.

“I might as well throw that away.” Seulgi agrees but she knows she won’t.

Only because that is also the memory she feels obligated to keep. Everything related to Joohyun will always be something she wants to, and has to keep.

Seulgi suggested going to the department store nearby on foot instead of by car.

 _“It would be a shame to not admire this nice weather without a walk, don’t you think?”_ She said and Joohyun could only shake her head with a soft giggle.

Even though she is usually quiet, Seulgi was the type of girl who was friendly and innocent, but also who liked adventures, never scared of heights, loved speed and smiled a lot. When she loved something she had to do it until the flames of passion died down. And Joohyun had seen Seulgi grow up as she reached her twenties. She had seen the difference, the change but even so, Seulgi was still Seulgi.

Meanwhile, Joohyun was just a quiet girl. Even though some boys came to her class just to see her face, and girls tried to befriend her because at that time being friends with the ‘pretty girl’ sure earned them credit for some reason, Joohyun did her best to not stand-out.

She did have friends. But she wasn’t a social-butterfly, didn’t have any friend she could call late at night just because she wanted to. And Joohyun was fine with that. She let all that flow naturally because she didn’t want to try too hard to fit in. She didn’t want to force anyone to care because frankly, she didn’t care that much either.

However,

_“Why are you so determined to live such a mundane life?”_

Seulgi had asked one day. She had held tight onto Joohyun, who was flowing like water, with her warm hands.

After Joohyun had said she liked her drawing, Seulgi had always greeted her and talked to her at least once a day.

It started with, _‘You know you’re pretty, right?’, ‘Do you know how to solve this? I’m bad at math. Can you teach me?’, ‘Where do you live? Can we walk home together?’_ and all those somehow continued to, _‘Can I hold your hand?’, ‘I like you.’, ‘Can I kiss you again?’._

Seulgi filled her view with her unchanging smile.

_“To be honest, I sometimes can’t tell what you’re thinking. And you’re too quiet sometimes.”_

Seulgi always cherished the word ‘youth’. One of the most important things in life because it will never come back. And Joohyun thought the word suited her. Almost as if the word was made for her. 

_“..Then why do you always talk to me?”_

Joohyun had asked at the bus stop. And she had realized when Seulgi’s face bloomed into a smile at her quiet words asking a question,

_“Because you never know.”_

After winter, spring always comes.

_“And because I want to know.”_

Just like how winter comes after autumn.

_“It would be a shame to just let it slide and leave it to only be remembered.”_

Seulgi had wanted Joohyun to spend her ‘youth’ in the best way possible, feeling regretful that her life was flowing with no colors. And she had said she didn’t want to let it stay that way.

Not knowing that someday, when they are floundered by the warmth to even notice, they will be soon be hit with an overwhelming cold in the end because the warmth is gone.

In the bag Joohyun is holding was a long-sleeved knit that Seulgi will wear. And in the brown paper bag which Seulgi is holding, there was an orange knit Joohyun had wanted to buy. Somehow they were naturally holding each other’s clothes, not that Seulgi minded.

The department store on Saturday evening was sure crowded. Even though she is already exhausted, Seulgi does her best not to yawn even when Joohyun drags her toward a display of scarves that caught her eye on their way home no, to her apartment.

It’s pretty, Joohyun says as she points to a snowy white scarf. And Seulgi nods only because she thinks anything looks on Joohyun.

“Should we buy this one each?” Joohyun asks, looking at her with doe eyes. “We can wear them together.”

Joohyun always liked matching things. Not just clothes but also bracelets, purses, and especially rings. Seulgi still remembers vividly how Joohyun hugged her so hard that she almost knocked both of them over when Seulgi bought her a matching ring on their fourth anniversary.

But unfortunately, when they enter the store, the clerk tells them that there was only one left for the white one.

Joohyun fingers the snowy scarf regretfully and holds a dark brown one in her other hand.

“I think this is okay too.” Joohyun mumbles. “What do you like?”

“..You have the white one. White doesn’t match my skin tone anyway.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

So Joohyun carries both scarves toward the counter. And after chancing a glance at Joohyun waiting for the clerk to put their scarves in a bag, Seulgi slowly walks outside and the cold evening air greets her with a light smack of the wind.

It is hard to tell if it’s autumn or winter because of the cold. And the foggy clouds covering the night sky not even letting the moon come into sight. Seulgi lets out a brief sigh then notices people all wearing coats with her hands deep in their pockets. Then she briefly remembers how cold the winter is in New York.

She glances behind to see Joohyun again, then turns her gaze back to the street. She can imagine Joohyun, Irene, walking around somewhere in a foreign country, wearing the same scarf as hers with her nose tinted pink.

And the thought makes her dig her hand inside the coat pocket to reach out for a cigarette pack that isn’t there.

_“I think I might have to go to China for a while.”_

With only two tests left during her senior year, Seulgi hadn’t been so thrilled about it because she was upset by the fact she didn’t do well on the test she took half an hour ago. The pasta they had was too dry and greasy which certainly didn’t help Seulgi feel better.

But when she had noticed Joohyun grimly staring at the gray cement floor Seulgi asked if something was wrong. Then Joohyun suddenly had told her about the chance to study abroad thanks to her professor. And Seulgi had a feeling that was why she seemed anxious all day as if Seulgi was a grenade that could explode any second.

_“What exactly do you mean by ‘a while’?”_

_“......”_

Seulgi knew it was impossible for people to be flawless when she herself was flawed all over. But she thought it was a selfish thing to do. Not saying anything just because it’s hard. Because it will be hard. 

But then again, some rights are harder to do than wrongs.

_“...Do you have to stay there for more than a year?”_

Joohyun had managed a slow nod and winced when Seulgi sighed at the answer.

_“So have you made up your mind? For sure?”_

_“No.”_

_“.....”_

Seulgi had wondered if Joohyun was asking for her permission. When this was something that Joohyun herself should decide.

_“..Are you asking for my opinion?”_

_“.....”_

Joohyun’s eyes were ridiculously pathetic. And Seulgi could only smile without a word.

_“Then don’t go.”_

Seulgi had blurted out childishly and Joohyun had smiled, as if she was expecting, hoping that she would say that. And Seulgi had smiled faintly back.

But Seulgi knew how too many things in life didn’t turn out the way she wanted.

After that day, Seulgi had made a promise to herself to follow Joohyun’s choices. Because she will believe that Joohyun had thought deeply before making that decision. 

It was impossible to not be disappointed, but they were no longer students who could still make mistakes and learn. They were now people who had to make less mistakes possible, who had to be heartless when it comes to doing what’s right. No matter how wrong it seemed to them sometimes.

And eventually, they would live. At least manage to live because they know life goes on anyway.

_“I think you say those kinds of things too suddenly.”_

Seulgi had said with a bitter taste in her mouth and Joohyun had hung her head low. And that only reminded Seulgi that Joohyun wasn’t solely hers in the first place.

She will never know exactly what kind of feelings Joohyun had for her from the start till now. 

And Seulgi had to wake up from her dream that they can stay the same even when everything around them changes. Leaving all their naive hopes behind as a memory unlike their younger days.

“You look so beautiful right now,” Joohyun says and it’s not in a playful way judging from her eyes looking at her in endearment showing that she meant it.

Which is quite hard to believe since Seulgi is sitting naked on the opposite side of the bathtub, her hair all wet and her face bare. Both of them with their legs around their arms, covering their front side almost completely and propping their chin on their knees. It almost feels like they are looking at a mirror.

Seulgi remembers how nervous she was on their first date. Thinking that maybe she should look at her best, she had worn a dark blue blouse and white high heels, hoping to look beautiful especially to someone in particular.

It didn’t take long for Seulgi to realize she didn’t need to do all that makeup and new clothes because she already was beautiful in Joohyun’s eyes.

She felt like the luckiest person on earth when she could feel, just feel that Joohyun meant it whenever she said she looked beautiful.

 _“You make me feel pretty.”_ Seulgi had said shyly. She has to admit, she even tried to give her a shy glance, using the classic technique of tucking her hair behind her ear or looking sideways when the wind blew gentle enough.

And as she recalls all that for a short time, Seulgi just smiles at her.

“Then how did you even decide to leave me behind.”

She knows it’s not like that. And she knows how much Joohyun is hurting too. She especially knows that none of them can stop their time ticking away.

But still, a part of her wants to collapse on her knees, sobbing and struggling to escape because she still can’t accept that the reality can be this cruel.

And Joohyun’s eyes immediately change into a sad one. But still, she doesn’t break eye contact. It is hard to tell if her eyes are glittering because of the mist due to the warm water or because she is about to cry.

“...I know.”

Joohyun replies quietly and struggles to keep a straight face. But she squeezes her eyes shut eventually.

Even while they remain at their spot, Seulgi can feel Joohyun’s toes touching hers. So she disentangles her arms around her legs and scoots closer to Joohyun who still has her eyes closed tight.

So Seulgi embraces her, gently placing her forehead on her shoulder. And she can feel Joohyun’s hand running through her hair as their body presses against each other, close enough to feel each other’s heartbeat.

“I love you.”

It’s most cruel how the end eventually comes even though the look in Joohyun’s eyes proves that love hasn’t changed at all as Seulgi raises her head.

She didn’t want to believe it when Joohyun had said that to her a few days after she told her that she was leaving. It was less painful to think she was leaving because she didn’t love her anymore. Because then all she had to do was move on. That was the least thing Seulgi could do.

But Joohyun didn’t let her think that way. And Seulgi couldn’t tell who was being selfish anymore. It didn’t seem important. When the reason they were being ‘selfish’ was only because they still mean a world to each other.

 _“I know you still love me.”_ Seulgi had said whenever Joohyun told her that. _“So what are you going to do if I don’t anymore?”_

Seulgi had gotten drunk and cried after seeing the look on Joohyun’s face when she asked that. And her answer reverberated inside her head, keeping her awake at night because the clench of her heart was making it hard for her to breathe.

_“..Then I guess I’ll be the fool then.”_

Joohyun’s first ‘I love you’ made her feel all the butterflies’ fluttering wings in her stomach.

Now it is different. But at the same time, similar. 

“..I know,” Seulgi replies finally. Not being able to say ‘I love you too,’ easily.

“And I know I love you too.”

But she always says it eventually. It’s only a matter of time. 

So that makes them both fools.

“You’re sleepy, aren’t you?”

Seulgi slowly opens her eyes when the blaring sound of the blow dryer dies down. And she sees Joohyun looking down at her in amusement. So Seulgi gives her a sheepish smile, stretching out her arms hoping that will help her stay awake.

“What makes you think that?” Seulgi says, mustering up her best innocent expression which makes Joohyun giggle and wraps her arms around her neck.

Then she lightly kisses her lips and cheeks several times and whispers playfully in her ear which makes Seulgi squirm, giggling.

“I can’t believe you’re sleepy when we didn’t even do anything much today.”

“I’m getting one second older each second.” Seulgi protests and Joohyun kisses the pout away. 

Then she kisses her jawline, then down to her neck. Seulgi’s smile falters when she feels the drastic change of the atmosphere. 

She feels Joohyun pulls down the neck part of her t-shirt and Seulgi closes her eyes, her breath hitching, her body instantly tensing and heating up as Joohyun kisses her bare skin deeply. 

With her arms still around Seulgi, Joohyun guides her toward the bed, and Seulgi sighs, comfortably settling down on the mattress with Joohyun next to her.

She doesn’t even realize her eyes are half-closed.

“Get some sleep,” Joohyun says and Seulgi does her best to open her eyes again.

“What about you?”

“I’ll get some sleep too.”

“You did that because you wanted to sleep, didn’t you?”

“No?” Joohyun replies innocently. “I woke up while kissing you.”

That makes Seulgi snort and turn sideways, showing her back but she turns around again as Joohyun laces her arms around her waist. Joohyun lightly kisses her nose and her lips until Seulgi, who grows impatient, deepens the kiss as soon as Joohyun gently presses her lips against hers.

Seulgi wakes up the next day and isn’t too happy to realize it is already two in the afternoon.

She wearily sits up, automatically covering her upper body with a blanket.

“Why are you covering yourself?” Joohyun asks with an amused smile. “It’s not like I’ve seen you naked for the first time.”

Seulgi grumbles then lies down again. Then she turns sideways, lightly slapping Joohyun's hand touching her hair and showing her bare back instead. 

And after a few seconds, as she expects, she feels Joohyun’s finger against her skin.

Ever since they started dating, because they were living in a society where they can’t say they love each other in the deepest way possible without being careful, they always wrote what they wanted to say to each other. On each other’s notebooks, palms, even on one’s bare back or stomach.

This time, Seulgi can feel by the pause of Joohyun’s finger that she is wondering what she should write.

Instead of waiting, she sits up instead, grabbing an oversized t-shirt she had stolen from her brother and picks up the cigarette pack on the nightstand.

And as always, Joohyun follows her to the balcony.

“I wish you would cry instead of smoke,” Joohyun says quietly as Seulgi lits the cigar.

Seulgi had actually quit smoking when Joohyun first caught her smoking behind the visual art building on campus.

And Seulgi knew instantly that it was wrong when she saw that look on Joohyun’s face. The kind of face she only saw when they fought.

 _“I’m not going to kiss you if you’re going to keep smoking!”_ She had said firmly, folding her arms and avoiding to meet Seulgi’s eyes. _“I hate that musty smell of cigarettes.”_

It wasn’t honestly easy to quit. Seulgi remembered how she had to find places she can smoke at least once the first day after she promised to quit smoking.

Joohyun would always stretch out her hand for Seulgi to give hers, and scrunch up her nose whenever she smelled the essence of the cigarettes. And as she had ‘promised’, she wouldn’t kiss Seulgi for the rest of the day.

 _“It’s not fair.”_ Seulgi had grumbled, throwing out the cigarette pack hoping it would at least erase the scowl on Joohyun’s face. _“You hate the smell that much?”_

 _“Not just that.”_ Joohyun had said with her arms still folded tightly, determined to not even hold Seulgi’s hand as she quickened her pace, leaving Seulgi behind. _“I don’t like to imagine your lungs turning black and you ending up in a hospital.”_

 _“I’ll probably be like.. thirty when that happens.”_ Seulgi had said with a shrug. Joohyun stopped walking at that answer and Seulgi gulped, suddenly fearing she had said something wrong. It was a dusky, lazy afternoon that day. Almost gloomy, nothing too bright.

And Seulgi still remembers what Joohyun was wearing that day. Her black leather jacket which was a little big for her, of course. But Joohyun still liked wearing her clothes, playing with the sleeves that almost covered her hands.

Joohyun had looked down at her sleeves, then turned around, mirroring the frown on Seulgi’s face but for a different reason.

_“That’s exactly what I mean.”_

Seulgi had officially quit smoking after that. At least, until yesterday.

“At least you won’t see me in the hospital,” Seulgi says and fails to hide the sarcasm in her voice. 

Joohyun doesn’t reply for a while, standing still behind the girl who puffs out another smoke with a sigh. “So does that mean I have to attend your funeral?”

Joohyun can’t see Seulgi’s expression because of her hair but she hears another sigh. And this time, no smoke comes out.

“No,” Seulgi replies, her voice sounds exhausted enough to be heard emotionless.

“It doesn’t.”

Then once again, Joohyun snatches the cigarette away. And Seulgi sees the same upset expression on her face. Seulgi can’t tell if she is glaring at her or just trying hard not to cry. Maybe both.

“Then don’t make that happen.”

Seulgi doesn’t say if there’s anything Joohyun forgot on purpose. She makes her way to the front door first and waits for Joohyun to come. Even though Joohyun’s footsteps are slower than before. She sighs, puts on her heels, then sighs again. Then she turns around, looking at Seulgi’s apartment in a daze. From the bedroom to the living room, as if she’s trying to recall every memory from each room. And Seulgi silently watches, pursing her lips for as long as she can.

“..Let’s go.”

Joohyun turns and smiles a little. Then she makes her way toward the elevator.

And as Seulgi closes the front door, she imagines all the dust floating around the empty living room lifelessly falling on the floor.

It has been a while since they’ve last ridden a bus together. With their shoulders side by side, Seulgi stares at the window even though the glass is covered with frost.

She remembers how she used to write on the glass window, leaving a temporary mark with the tip of her finger. And Joohyun, who is thinking the same thing, initiates it as she stretches out her arms.

_'Kang Seulgi dumb dumb'_

Then she smiles proudly as if she had just solved a difficult math problem on the white board. So Seulgi returns the grin as she starts to write something right above that ridiculous statement.

_'Bae Joohyun more dumb dumb'_

And then Joohyun draws a heart.

So Seulgi draws another heart in return.

Seulgi feels Joohyun’s head resting on her shoulder. And she glances down to see Joohyun’s eyelashes fluttering as she closes her eyes.

Seulgi raises her arm and lets her fingers brush Joohyun’s left cheek. And silently says the three words in her mind that she can’t write.

I love you.

And as she repeats those words again, she sees a droplet forming a small wet circle on Seulgi’s sleeve as soon as it reaches Joohyun’s eye.

So Seulgi clenches her jaw and looks sideways, staring at the window again as she listens to Joohyun choke back a sob she had heard so many times.

‘The art of words’ was the title of the exhibition. And frankly, Joohyun expected it to be half-boring. But when Seulgi leads her to a big empty room, it sparks her interest.

“This room translates our voices into images,” Seulgi explains as Joohyun looks around. “It is to show people how much spoken words can have an impact.”

And even though Seulgi’s voice is merely a whisper, Joohyun notices the red line moving a little as Seulgi talks.

“Impact,” Joohyun repeats quietly, and just as before, the red lines move.

“Say something,” Seulgi says, her voice a little louder this time.

“Hello,” Joohyun says and the gap between the red lines is wider than before.

“Louder.” Seulgi urges and Joohyun takes a deep breath.

“Hello!” Joohyun says and just like that, the colorful lines start to gush out like fireworks.

“Hellooo!” Joohyun tries and soon the dark room is filled with all sorts of colors and dancing lines. “Oh wow..” Joohyun mumbles under her breath and can’t help but smile by the way the lines dance a little bit.

Seulgi makes a random sound, almost singing and the lines start to dance even more frantically as if they are swallowing them up.

So they both sing random melodies of typical songs which they can’t remember the titles of. 

Joohyun, who got a little too excited, shouts with joy and the whole room lights up with green and blue, leaving only the floor and them colorless.

As the colors and lines continue to dance, Joohyun starts to sing a random love song, repeating only three words in any melody.

“I love you,” She sings, spreading out her arms like an actress, admiring the flowing colors. “I love you, I love you.”

She then meets Seulgi’s eyes and shyly smiles.

“I really do.” Joohyun finishes and the room gets dark as her voice dies down.

And almost at the same time, they both step toward each other.

Their footsteps echo in the room which makes the lines dance in slow circles, flashing yellow and green, even blue. As if a silent firework is happening in front of them.

Seulgi puts her arms around Joohyun’s waist, and Joohyun caresses her cheeks, focusing on her eyes in the dark.

After a while, in the spur of a moment, Seulgi presses her lips against hers, and Joohyun accepts it, throwing her arms around the taller girl’s neck.

And after they themselves drown by the colors surrounding them, Joohyun closes her eyes, but still holds her tight as they slowly turn around and around the empty room for who knows how long.

Leaving them to wish all their might to stop the time.

“And now we’re here again,” Seulgi says half-jokingly as they reach the bus stop.

Time didn’t stop but instead, passed by so quickly. They had spent almost two hours in that room and Joohyun was surprised the security guard didn’t drag them out.

Now, it is ten o'clock. Even Cinderella leaves a lot later than that but apparently, life isn’t fair.

“I’m glad you liked the exhibition,” Seulgi speaks up as if they are going to meet again tomorrow. “Or is it only because of that kiss?”

“Partly.” Joohyun answers honestly and Seulgi laughs, still holding her hand.

“You remember that time when you came to my house on our second anniversary?” Joohyun asks and Seulgi nods, her eyes fixed on the electronic board next to the bus stop sign.

Ten minutes, Seulgi reads and wonders if that means she has to let go of her hand after only ten minutes.

“You had even brought a cake,” Joohyun recalls and that finally makes Seulgi distract herself.

“I was excited. It’s not everyday you get to celebrate an anniversary.” Seulgi defends and Joohyun laughs.

“I remember I had to come back home because my parents won’t let me stay outside after nine o'clock.”

“So I bought all the firecrackers in the nearby store,” Seulgi adds. “And I remember you hating it.”

“I hated the noise,” Joohyun admits. “But I still watched it till the end.”

Seulgi tilts her head, surprised. “Really?”

Then the sound of the bus interrupts them. Seulgi nips her bottom lip, her hand holding Joohyun’s slowly loosening.

She half-expects Joohyun to let go but instead, Joohyun gives her hand a gentle squeeze, ignoring the bus in front of them. The bus door closes, and Joohyun lets the purple bus drive away.

The electronic board changes the words ‘before’ to ‘15 minutes’. And next to the left time the words ‘last bus’ glares orange in the dark.

Her heart starts to race, unsure what to do or say because none of it will be enough.

“Really.” Joohyun says, turning to face each other. “Because that was the day when you told me that you loved me.”

Seulgi knows how much Joohyun had waited for her to say those words. And when she had finally said it, she shuddered, feeling her heart full with all kinds of emotions that Seulgi was genuinely afraid her heart might explode.

Seulgi opens her mouth, but her parched throat makes her close it, letting out a sigh instead.

“Seul.”

“..Yeah?”

Joohyun playfully grins at her, holding her both hands. “Don’t kick away the blankets while sleeping.”

Seulgi doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry as Joohyun’s thumbs run over the back of her hands.

“Don’t wash your blankets often,” Seulgi says instead, with an equally playful smile. “Because I know you always end up sleeping with a wet blanket if you do.”

Even though they are both fully grown women, they still worry about each other as if they are still kids who don’t know how to take care of themselves, and only know how to take care of each other.

“Don’t drink too much,” Joohyun says and Seulgi bobs her head.

“Okay.”

“Don’t get sick.”

Because we’re never going to see each other again.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Don’t smoke.”

Seulgi hesitates. “I’ll try.”

Joohyun raises an eyebrow, frowning. “I don’t like that answer.”

“I won’t.”

“That’s better.”

Joohyun keeps biting her lips that are dry and struggles to smile somehow but eventually hangs her head low. 

“Hyun.”

Seulgi doesn’t know how many more people will come into her life. Or how many she has to let go. But she is sure even with all of them, no one will ever be special than this woman in front of her. 

“I loved you very much.” Seulgi then swallows. “I still do. Just as much as before.”

She glances up at the electronic board, then at the bus, she can make out far away, waiting for the streetlight to turn green. As if the world is urging her to hurry up.

So Seulgi musters a strained smile, feeling her neck stiffening as she says the last words. Her hoarse voice almost sounds alien to her.

“Let’s break up.”

Joohyun remembers how they had once promised to always hold on. Always for their forever. 

But no words come out of her mouth, feeling her lips quivering as she closes them.

Then she slowly places her forehead on Seulgi’s shoulder, her eyes already brimming with tears as she answers,

“..Okay.”

And Seulgi embraces her, squeezing her eyes as tightly as she can but she can feel the headlights of the bus getting closer.

Then she slowly lets go and steps back, not wanting Joohyun to miss the last bus.

The bus pulls over just in time. And Seulgi turns around, holding her breath to listen to Joohyun’s footsteps walking toward the bus.

She silently counts up to five as soon as she hears the bus door closing. The musky smell of gas makes her scowl as she turns around, watching the bus leave.

And all that is left now is herself and a lifelong cold.

Then without thinking, she starts to run. Recklessly, desperately, longingly.

She knows Joohyun won’t see her. And she knows her getting on the bus won’t change anything, just another temporary moment that will only make it harder for them to let go.

But it’s like her body has a life of its own as she keeps running, feeling the cold air grazing her face and her feet pounding against the clay brick.

Then she finally stops in front of the crosswalk. The glaring red streetlight wakes her up in a daze.

She thought she had cried enough. But it seems like it isn’t.

Seulgi runs her palm over her eyes, biting her bottom lip hard but soon opens her mouth to let out a sigh. And then a cry. Tears start to pour out endlessly, letting her have only enough strength to crouch on the ground as she watches the bus blend in with the orange streetlights and the dark, almost as if it just vanished into thin air.

Joohyun doesn’t blame Seulgi either for letting go. Even if Seulgi will sometimes think of her and blame her for leaving her behind alone. 

And if there ever comes a time when Seulgi will call in the middle of the night, and tell her to come back, she will do it in a heartbeat. Joohyun knows Seulgi knows that better than anyone.

But it feels like they are slowly accepting the fact that it can’t be the same anymore. 

That their Indian Summer has now ended, and there’s nothing they can do to avoid winter.

People like to think the deepest love is the one that stays together till the end. But as Seulgi said, there is always an exception. Because their love can never be measured or seen. But they will always know, feel how deep it is always.

Joohyun presses her forehead on the cold surface of the bus window, then doesn’t even bother to do anything as her view turns blurry. 

With all the lights of streetlights and buildings becoming mere colorful dots, Joohyun closes her eyes, already wishing she will see the same smile in her dreams.

Seulgi was always concerned about her not caring about other things as much as she cared about Seulgi. But Joohyun didn’t think that was necessary at all. Because with her listening, her looking at Joohyun with those endearing eyes, and her understanding everything she said, it was all enough.

Because Joohyun had her, who she loves very much.

And it is all enough for her to withstand the long winter. Her brief warmth,

her Indian Summer.

  
  



End file.
